irreverant

I was going to post about web designing and what it does for me but I feel that's been done a thousand times over.
Moving on to what I do regularly:

I wonder what these people are going to do when they have nothing to complain about

Except for survival

When they can’t take showers

When they can’t eat what they do

I’ve tried to fit in

That’s why I work here in the first place

To fit in

I’ve tried to drop my idiosyncrasies

Hide them and blend in

But it’s getting too difficult to keep up with as I age

As I experience more

Things I never thought I would

Or tried to protect myself from experiencing

Through rituals of anxiety

A constant state of something just to feel anything

To control something

To be something other than what I think I am

We don’t talk anymore

Everywhere you go

People are angry

Quick to judge

We don’t help each other anymore

Except in rare instances

Or in secluded areas

Such as my house in the woods

But here

I’ve watched the way others watch each other

Or who pays attention to whom

The hierarchy of importance is dull and unfounded

The ruse that they all live in

Confuses me

But I go along with it

They do things just to do them

or is it just doing things

-nothing I do is without thought-

Watching them pains me at times

And at times I can’t breathe

so confined to their plastic walled ant farm

happy

content

pretend play

all I hear are voices of pretend

little figurines placed in the building

acting out life 

the fake laughter frightens me the most